How to help with the housework

by Kyla and Kidd

Kyla - The first and most important part of helping with the housework is to get your human out of bed.
Kidd – I prefer the constant pestering method. This consists of being a total pain. A gentle sniffing is always a good start followed by an occasional head but. Sitting on your human’s head whilst purring loudly in their ear is another good idea. If neither work you can follow it up with a nice wash. Not forgetting to pay particular attention to the ears. Human ears are very small and positioned far too low on their heads, no wonder they have such poor hearing! Any way I digress.
If this still doesn’t work then you have two options. You can try the clawing method. The sharper the claws the better, a well-positioned claw up the nose is always effective. Or you can go for a little stinker in the closest litter tray. Obviously this takes a bit of forethought on your part, as you will need to have been brewing it over night.
Kyla – Oh for goodness sake that takes far too long. No you want to go for the more direct approach. It’s simple and effective. Just soak the bed. Knock over the glass of water they left on the bedside cabinet, making sure to get as much of the bed wet as possible.
Kidd – But what if there is no liquid by the bed? You only have to do that a couple of times and they’ll learn not to leave it there.
Kyla – In that case you’ll just have to improvise won’t you!
Kidd – Er ok. Well anyway now that your human is up and you’ve helped them get washed and dressed the fun really starts.
Kyla – Of course if you have gone for the soaking of the bed you have already started the cleaning process.
Kidd – Yes but there is the general tidying. It is vital that you are present for this. You don’t want them to throw away something important. So you need to insist on inspecting everything. If they pick something up then pull it down to your level and give it a good sniff. It they won’t allow you to look then just climb they’re leg until you can see.
Kyla – Sometimes they decide that the object you so lovingly placed on the floor belongs on a shelf. This is basically inconsiderate and they must learn where things go. Do this by climbing said shelf and knocking the item back onto the floor. When they turn around to see what happened look innocent and blame it on the kitten.
Kidd – Hay!
Kyla – It is also important that you check the bin on a regular basis. Pull out anything that looks slightly interesting.
Kidd – By this point your human will probably decide it’s time for a lunch break. You can also help with this. Again climb up their leg and make helpful lunch suggestions by trying to pat things in the fridge.
Kyla – Or jump onto their shoulders and shout instructions in their ear.
Kidd – Once lunch is over and you’ve cleaned the plate for them. It’s time to get on with the actually cleaning of the house. Chase the duster is a great game to play and keeps your human interested in the task. Another great game is attack the broom. Hide under something and pounce when ready. It is imperative that you are not seen when waiting to attack. After all you do not want to the broom to see you coming.
Kyla – while this is going on the more discerning cat is off to raid the treat cupboard, which has inadvertently been left open. The box of goodies may be on the top shelf, but that should not stop you. Use whatever method you can to claim what is rightfully yours. If you get caught, abseil back down the coats you’ve just climbed telling your human in no uncertain terms how unimpressed you are with them.
Kidd – Yes but while your human is off dealing with the treat stealer you are left to play with the pile of fluff left from the sweeping. Always make sure to spread as much of this around the floor as possible so that you can play the broom game again when they get back.
Kyla – Once all the cleaning is done, it is time to make the bed. This is my favourite part. When they place the bottom sheet on the bed and start to tuck it in. Skid up and down the bed making sure it is as flat as possible and that the corners are folded to your liking. Once the bed is made pretend to ‘improvise’ soaking it again. Your human will think this is very funny!!!!!
Kidd – Once everything is clean and tidy there is just one last thing to do. When your human has washed the floor and has gone for a well-deserved rest, visit the litter tray once more. Making sure your paws are as dirty as possible and make a curtsey call to all rooms, especially ones with the floor still damp, to inspect your work. Finally curl up with your human making sure to look as cute as possible, look up at them and slowly blink and reach out a paw to tap them gently on the cheek. It is always important to complement good behaviour.